Divorce is a life shattering experience for most men that can bring even the most successful, confident man to his knees. The loss of the core of your life which was your wife and possibly a family is a serious blow and takes some time to heal. Men after divorce are also not usually well equipped to deal with this heart wrenching journey.
As such, here are a few things you need to know to help you through the tough times.
One of the first stages of the grieving process of divorce is denial. This is when you do not think this is really happening, that your wife will turn around suddenly and stop this divorce thing from happening. This is usually a delusion created by a panicking mind that cannot yet grasp this new idea of being divorced.
While you still believe it can all be saved, you can never move on. The longer you leave a tiny spark of hope that you can avoid divorce or reconcile, you are sabotaging your future by holding onto a dream that can never come true.
Letting go for men after divorce is hard, and when you do the following emotions can be ugly but you must end this phase to go through the next stages.
Let go of Resentment
If you have moved through denial stage you may end up angry and resentful of your ex wife and the entire situation. This is a normal reaction once you have finally accepting it is happening. You feel hurt and you want them to felt he same pain as you so you end up being angry and bitter in some hope that it will hurt them.
The problem is that holding onto resentment is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies (thanks to Nelson Mandela for that very insightful quote). It achieves nothing and only hurts you. It is a defence mechanism designed to keep you wary of your ex wife, marriage, and women in general.
What it really does is tie your mind to this divorce even more strongly with a negative link that will direct your entire life if you let it. Letting go of resentment takes some time and effort but it will set you free.
This is one of the hardest things you can ever do. Forgiving your ex wife and forgiving yourself as well is the path to happiness and freedom from the hell of post-divorce despair.
Forgiving does not mean forgetting though, and it does not condone anything you or your ex wife did or said. Forgiveness simply means that it does not control your emotions anymore and you have the grace to let all negative associations with the divorce melt away.
These are not easy concepts to comprehend, and act on, while you are struggling with the end of your marriage though. If you are tired of just eeking out an existence and dealing with each emotional crisis as it happens and want a complete solution to end the anxiety, sadness and anger, click here to find out what men after divorce need to know and how you can come on right track.